“I feel like this is gonna make me …” she trails off. If “34 +35” is getting a bunch of teens grounded, “Nasty” is getting us all arrested. She continues with an even more straightforward request: “Can you stay up all night? / Fuck me ‘til the daylight? / 34 35?” In case there was any confusion about the timing of this carnal marathon, Ariana explains that they will “start at midnight,” then “go til the sunrise,” where they will then be “done at the same time.” She goes on to extoll the ways in which she has been prepping for this seven-plus hour sextravaganza: “I’ve been drinking coffee / I’ve been eating healthy / You know I keep it squeaky / Saving up my energy.” Later, she assures her likely exhausted lover that, “Even though I’m wifey, you can hit it like a side chick / Don’t need no side dick.” “You might think I’m crazy / The way I’ve been craving / If I put it quite plainly / Just give me them babies,” Ariana begins, rather auspiciously.
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This song, the title of which Ariana helpfully explains “means I wanna 69 with ya, no shit,” is not so much horny as it is an explicit sexual manual complete with graphic diagrams. The song sits comfortably at the midway point on the theatrically horny scale at one point, Ariana sings, “I know you love how I whip it / You can only stay mad for a minute / So come here and give me some kisses / You know that I’m very delicious.” In other words, Ariana wants to know, is this man going to be down for Ariana in the same way that the sun goes down, specifically at the hour of 6:30? (In this extended metaphor, it must be autumn in Ariana’s native Los Angeles, which is the only time when the sun goes down that early.) Anyway. Ariana also explains that 6:30 is the hour of the sunset, during which the sun goes down. One is that at the hour of 6:30, a clock’s hands point downward. “I just wonder, baby, if you’re gonna stay / Just want to ask you directly / Boy, let me know if you’re ready / Are you down / Down like 6:30?” For those still confused, I think there are two things happening here. In this song, Ariana shatters established language norms and creates a new metaphor paradigm, comparing a person to a very specific hour of the day as represented on a clock. In honor of our most delightfully perverted pop star, I’ve ranked the songs on Position by sheer, unadulterated horniness. The album is her kinky King Lear, and perhaps her most theatrically horny work yet, which is really saying a lot for someone who once wrote the lyrics, “Let’s put them topics to bed and go fuck on the roof / Just to say that we did,” and went so far as to corrupt Christmas itself.
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But she’s also funny as hell on Positions: Ariana puns joyfully, pokes fun at her own image, sweetly asks a series of unidentified people to shut up, encourages a lover not to be afraid to run his hands through her famous fake ponytail, and plays fluidly with genre conventions, evoking Old Hollywood musicals one moment and going full “Would You Mind”–era Janet Jackson the next.įor the most part, though, Positions is a vehicle for Ariana to tell us about all of the fucking she accomplished during the pandemic while also managing to write an album about said fucking. In between the lengthy paragraphs of erotic fanfiction about herself and her Realtor boyfriend, Ariana also sings movingly about her fear of letting go, of learning to love another person after her cataclysmic couple of years. It’s Judy Garland by way of Red Tube, or what might have happened had Julie Andrews loved to 69. The album is a fantastical fairy-tale journey into Ariana’s depraved mind, all lush violins, sparkling whistle tones, stacked harmonies, and novelistic descriptions of a quarantine that seems to have been spent primarily fucking. Positions, Ariana Grande’s sixth studio album, is yet another entry in a body of work that more often than not finds itself at the direct intersection of grand theatricality and pure, enthusiastic horniness.
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